My Adventure into Breastfeeding

Ive ALWAYS said I would breastfeed my children, even before that first positive pregnancy test came to be....

So when Kalvin came 6 weeks early, I immediately told the docs and nurses I wanted to pump for him.  Unlike other moms, I couldnt hold him minutes after his birth and try.  He was wisked away to the NICU after letting me get a quick glimpse of him.  My epi had to wear of, and he had to have many tests done, so it was probably 24 hours before I could see him, and even longer till I could hold him and try to breastfeed.  He spent 2 weeks in the NICU where all I did was pump at home and bring my expressed milk to my once a day visit to him where I attempted to feed him.  I had to agree to bottle feeding because otherwise he could not be sent home.

When we arrived at home, I tried him at the breast at EVERY feed.  For every unsuccessful latch, after 15 min of screaming, I would have to bottle feed him either what Ive pumped or formula if I didnt have enough stored.  Then to keep up my supply I would pump. I felt like feeding and pumping was all I had time for in my day, and at night I did not get a wink of sleep... I cant remember how long I held on, but eventually I just gave up.  It was too much.  Feeding sessions were lasting 45 min to an hour, and he was eating in 2 to 3 hour increments.  In my vision, BF would take 15-20 min and that would be it!

I did not have any good resources to help me keep going and I was just too tired.  So when I was pregnant again, I thought... well as long as this baby makes it to full term, I can do this!!  So my 40.2 weeker......

Im having the same problems ALL OVER AGAIN.  But this time I have a toddler to worry about too.  I do have more support in all my FB friends, and I realize I have resources at GBMC, and have called the warmline 2x already.  However I am still not getting it.  Last night I did not even go to sleep till 2am because I was pumping/bottlefeeding/breastfeeding and then she was hungry all over again before I got the chance to lay down!  then she was up again at 3 and then 4!  At 3 she was not interested in eating but at 4 she was.... I did NOT pump that time... so i had gone all night not pumping cuz I just wanted to sleep.  She didnt wake up again till about quarter till 7....

I dont know how much longer I can go on like this to be honest.  If it was this difficult in the beginning for my other BF mommas, please tell me how you managed?  Especially those with a toddler at home with you?  I truly still believe breast is best, but man those free samples of  formula are calling my name (and my husbands name, for my sake of sleep!)

......and baby make 4

I have been wanting to write in this blog since coming home from the hospital on Thursday but there NEVER seems to be a good time to do so!!!!   I am either busy or tired.  Feeding or pumping.  Eating or caring for my certain ailments caused by the pregnancy.  Changing a diaper or putting a tired baby back to sleep.  Going BACK to the hospital 2x for lab tests for Chloe and her Biliruben .  Dealing with Kal and his regressing issues (altho I have help with his dad on that one).  At least I am not cooking.  My mom or Greg have been doing that.  And since my mom is such a neat freak, she has done all the cleaning.

We had a full house of visitors today.  Great Pop and Nana Jordan, Poppop and Mommom, Great Uncle Sam and 3rd cousin Jayden (Kals age).  They had a blast playing together.  I should talk to his mom and have her come over here more often so they can play together.

Anyway,  adjusting to this new family of 4 thing is not going to be very easy.  Not that I expected it to be or anything but OMG this week has been crazy.

First of all, I've been having trouble with the breastfeeding endeavor.  Chloe was rooting but not opening her mouth wide enough, and KILLING my nipples in the process.  We would fight each other with the latch for 15-20 min OR MORE, all the while her getting angrier and angrier and just flailing her legs about and FREAKING out.  Nothing I tried seemed to work.  She wasnt eating well AT ALL the last few days and her poops have dwindled.  I was frustrated because with all the crazy things we had to do, like get those blood tests for example, we would get so behind on feedings.

I used past tense on the last paragraph because tonight we had a breakthrough!  Called GBMC warmline dispite my usual anxiety to call strange people on the phone especially to admit I need help with something..... She gave me some tips, I followed them, and BOOM!  Chloe fed from each breast for a good 15 min or more with a COMFORTABLE latch!!!!  I was only gonna do one side, but she woke up 15 min after setting her down and was rooting again.

Basically what the specialist told me to do, was use my finger as a way to help open her mouth wider, and use either expressed milk or formula in a special syringe they gave me at the hospital to drip into her mouth to simulate that the milk is coming and therefore giving her some instant gratification and encouraging to continue to suck.   Well, its only the FIRST time, but it worked for EACH breast this time around!! OH BTW... nipples are tingling and have some wetness on my night shirt.  Those are both good milk coming in signs right? :)

Now to Kalvin.  Just as I thought, he is regressing BIG time.  He keeps stealing Chloes binky saying MINE. (he never liked the binky before)  He sits in her baby swing (that used to be his.. oops.. lol)  Yesterday I was in my sitz bath on the toilet... Kal comes in the bathroom and said "I Poop".  I thought he meant he NEEDED to poop so I said hold on and let me finish up here and you can go and he said "NO" and then I smelt it.  He had ALREADY GONE!  UGH!  So Greg changed him and I could hear Kal in his room making crying noises like the baby.  GREAT.  Well Greg did his thing to teach him he cant do that... told him it was time for bed (it was anyway) talked to him a bit more and told him good night.

Now i was REALLY mad at this point....still sitting on the sitz bath I could hear Kal asking for "mommy hug kiss" though, so I was like ok, well I will go in in a few and give him a talk.  So I went in, told him how he was a big boy and he is supposed to poop in the POTTY.  That mommy is so proud of him that he knows how to do that and that Chloe is a baby and DOEST know how to  go on a potty and mommy is just happy she is pooping cuz she knows Chloe is eating enough.  I told him that mommy would rather Kalvin tell mommy he had to use the potty and she would be happy to give him some one on one attention to take him and help him go, but if he does it in his pants, mommy would not be happy.  And he repeated alot of what I said ( like I big boy!) and then asked for his hug and kiss.  I was sitting on my knees and he was standing/  He laid his head on my shoulder and gave me a long hug.  And then my tears started to flow.  LIKE the realization that he ws no longer my baby anymore just hit me like a ton of bricks.  He can put his head on my shoulder while STANDING if I am kneeling to the ground.  Visions of me rocking Kal to sleep when he was Chloe's size came flowing back.   Now he can comprehend what I am telling him and repeat my words back to me.  He is about my kneeling height already....  Where did the time go??  UGH to the females hormones!!!!

I know this is getting long, but one more thing.  Ive noticed lots of my friends blogs, they tend to come up with funny names for their children.  Well.... one that I have been calling Chloe lately stems from how she cries when she is REALLY frustrated.  She literally squeals then snorts.  Yea.... so I have been calling her Lil Miss Piggy.  Kal, well everyone in our family already calls him Superman... some of you already know the reason for that.  So, to follow everyones footsteps, I may start referring to Kalvin as Superman, and Chloe as Miss Piggy... lol :)