I am not sure if I plan to publish this to Facebook or not. Or make it public, but I just need to ramble on for a moment. Before I get into whats on my mind, I will say, this issue is a big hot issue in today's society and by blogging about it IN NO WAY am I trying to start a debate. Im not trying to argue with anyone. Maybe you have an idea where this is going, maybe you do not.... but lets say I am pretty certain I have a lot of liberal FB connections/friends that would argue this topic to the bone with me if we began it..... yet here I am.... I can't help but write about it today....
Anyway.... I am a 32 year old married woman, who didnt have her first kid till 28. I had my second at 31. Those kids were mostly somewhat planned out. I am pregnant with #3. Now, I hate admitting this because alone admitting to this makes me feel like a horrible person but.... I did not want 3 kids. Especially after getting one boy and one girl right after the other. I was happy with 2. we were planning on a more permanent BC method before this happened.... Financially I felt we are going to struggle with 3 kids. Emotionally and Physically I felt like I am gonna be overwhelmed with 3. I was scared and unhappy through most of the 1st trimester. I didnt even post to FB till week 13 (which I know most people wait till after the 1st trimester anyway, but... I wasn't really ecstatic about it even when I did announce it and everyone was congratulating me.
We had an ultrasound to date the pregnancy though at around week 9. On the ultrasound the baby looked like a blob. However the tech pointed out the beating heart. I could see 4 chambers. I could see it throbbing. My worry started to go away around then. It was still there, but already I started to fall in love.
Yesterday I found out the gender. I know its a boy now. In the 45 minute to hour long ultrasound appointment I watched the baby moving his arms and legs. He sucked his thumb. He covered his face with his hands. he "yawned". He even was grabbing his privates at one point... (*giggles like a middle schooler*) at 18 weeks you could see his eyes (looked like eye sockets obviously on a 2d ultrasound) his spine, his arms, hands, fingers.... my worry has almost completely gone away now and I am completely in love with that separate individual human being growing inside of me.
Anyway, I assume you can imagine what topic I am thinking about now. The whole, pro-choice vs pro-life debate. My ONLY question to anyone that sides with the former is... how can you see this life growing, and still argue that its the womans body and its her choice? It is a completely separate body from the woman... it just needs the womans body to grow. How is that different from your baby outside the womb that needs you to change his diaper, feed him, wash him and clothe him? The baby whether in or out of the womb, cant say I want to live or die... yet our society says as long as its still in the mothers womb, its safe to end its life... I really don't know... I really am not looking for anyone to "answer" me. I don't want opinions or debates. I guess my pregnancy hormones and guilt for initially not wanting this pregnancy are getting my emotions all riled up. I dont know.
