Week 2

So week 1 was a short week. It was still awful.  It wasn't till Sunday that things were somewhat back to normal.... I however was still zombie tired all day.

Yesterday started week 2.  Last night I felt physically ill to my stomach and as I do this morning along with a pounding headache and achy and sore everywhere else...

Oh.. week 2 will be short too cuz Greg has his appt on Thursday...

I hate this schedule because not only am I on my own all evening with the kids, but basically on my own all morning too till Greg decides to wake up.

I have to add that the newborn baby makes this 1000% more difficult to deal with.  With him waking several times to eat....

This schedule is just crewl on all of us.  Morning is actually almost worse.  My kids rise bright and early at 7 most mornings and Greg stays I'm bed till 11ish... So I'm up with them even tho I got intermittant sleep myself. And we have yet to figure out a good dinner situation... Last Monday Greg made a pork tenderloin at lunch and we just heated it at dinner and Greg brought a portion to work.... But since then we've prepared nothing. 

Today Chris has his 2 week appt at 945 and its raining. FML. The Dr is in walking distance but that's not happening in the RAIN! I was just gonna walk with Chris and Greg watch the other 2... Ugh...

Day 2

Terrible. I didn't sleep well. Head hurts and Greg flipped out over us still being in bed too bothering him. I was getting ready to get up even... He didn't give me a moment to collect myself and get out of my own fog...  I hate this. I am in tears...

Day 1

All I have to say right now, as day one closes.... NIGHT SCHEDULE: YOU SUCK GO TO HELL, BRING BACK A NORMAL HUMAN BEING SCHEDULE NOW!

The End.

Officially a Mom of 3

Week 1 of being a mom of 3... Well... It would have gone better... except my parents..... They were here to help... All they did was nag....

My mom went on a house cleaning rampage (scrubbing my carpet on her hands and knees) while complaining on how filthy everything is.  She helped by doing my laundry but complained when I laid down for a nap instead of putting it away.  My dad complained about having only 1 bathroom.  They both apparently "hate" my house.  When Greg started cutting down our bushes (because we NEVER liked them but hadnt had time to remove them with this hot summer weather) she said we should have kept the bushes, blah blah.  All they could do was criticize.  The opposite of what we did, thats what was the BETTER way.

Greg doesnt even want to come up to Pittsburgh to see them anymore, thats how bad they bothered Greg.  I am just tired of this stuff. :(

Well they are gone, but now I have to adjust to 3 kids and Gregs new work schedule.  Starting monday, Greg works 430pm-2am.  At least he gets every other Friday off, and this is the week for that, plus he took off Thursday so he won't miss the Ravens on Thursday Night Football... so this week will only be 3 days.

When this schedule starts though, I guess dinners will be at lunch, and at dinner time, it will be just me and the kids, so mac and cheese and stuff like that at dinner... bath time I will have to juggle all 3, bed time, and who knows how late feedings will go with the little one.  If he gets up between 230-3 we will be good, but any other time... I will probably end up having to do all of them.  The kids will be up bright and early, so either Greg gets up with us and gets little sleep, or he sleeps and I deal with them myself while trying to keep them quiet.  Nap time, who knows.... since we have to have dinners during the early afternoon hours.... Kal can't start Tball even tho he will finally be of age this spring.... (this schedule will go on at least until next year at this time.....)

Oh well.  I will update on Monday if I think about it, about how day 1 goes.....

Bad day continued....

So I decide to make the most of the day and go out with the kids for breakfast at this place called the lighthouse cafe right down the street.  I go there often and most people that work there know us.  We've gone since we moved to this street 2 years ago.  Well today I get told "while we love your business, the last time u ate here you left a disaster, food all over the floor, etc... We don't like you leaving mess". I remember appologizing years ago and trying to clean up a mess kalvin made.... He was about 2 then... And saying not to worry... They got it.  Well apparently their policy changed and instead they insult and embarrass their customers.  Well my daughter throws food on my floor daily.  I clean up after her daily.  When I choose to eat out, its to give me a break of having to clean up after her.  If I have to do it there too, why bother going out? Maybe pay me for my services since I thought part of working at a restaurant was sweeping floors and cleaning tables? It wasn't nearly as bad as this man claimed it was, or at least I didn't think so.  Needless to say I walked out and we ate at BK. 

Just when I was feeling really down tho... Kalvin says to Chloe "give me hug" and she did! They were in the stroller hugging. 

Well then we went to the library and a few stores. I'm so sick of hearing the OMG 2 lil ones and one on the way? Yes. Do u have a problem with that? Ugh.  Ok rant over....

Just one of those days...

Its just one of those days I feel the need to spill out my thoughts.  I dont want to make any facebook posts about my moods, cuz I know things could be worse but I am just in one of those funks today.

Its another Saturday where Greg is not home on a Saturday.  NOT because of work this time... he went crabbing with his uncle Mike.  I know he deserves fun things and all and this weekend is fathers day but OMG. I feel like I NEVER get a break.  I am so tired and miserable and he left at 3am this morning to get there.

Once he left, I could NOT get back to sleep for whatever reason.  Did you ever have the feeling someone was watching you when you tried to fall asleep? Hear every creak in the house?  Thats how it was last night. From 330 to about 5 I read a book on my kindle.  Finally I wanted to "try" to fall asleep but it was TOO quiet.  I looked for something on the kindle to watch from netflix but couldnt find anything I wanted to watch.  Finally I googled "Friends" in youtube, and watched the pilot.  2 times!  The first time I watched it I DID get to sleep, but guess what.  My daughter woke me up crying so I had to start over to fall asleep again.  by 6am she woke again.  I brought her to the room but couldnt fall asleep till 7, and slept till 8.

I have NO idea when Greg is coming home today, but the only thing I got was "before dark"!  umm its NOT winter so "before dark can be 8-9 pm?? WTF? So now I dont know what to do for dinner or anything else. Of course if he gets crabs, I can assume thats what HE is eating for dinner.... over Mikes tho???

IDK I am just not a happy camper today and this is one of those days I wish I had a car and valid license.  I know its not Gregs fault that I dont, its all me... but I still feel like I wish he could have set me up with things to do on days like these.  I go stir crazy 5 days a week alone with the kids, then cook dinner while he plays video games, clean the dishes, give the kids a bath and put Chloe to bed.  (Kal has a routine that involves us both).

My other thing I am depressed about is I really realize, at least in THIS area... I have NO friends. NONE. NOONE ever asks to do anything with me.  Is this my fault too?  I really dont know.  But I put up on FB yesterday that I was looking for something to do today and only one person commented but not to do anything... just to be a smartalec.

I am just sad, lonely and depressed today and I feel bad that I feel this way because I know there are other friends of mine going through worse things right now too and that doestn make me feel any better about feeling bad about this

Im not sure what to call this...

I am not sure if I plan to publish this to Facebook or not.  Or make it public, but I just need to ramble on for a moment.  Before I get into whats on my mind, I will say, this issue is a big hot issue in today's society and by blogging about it IN NO WAY am I trying to start a debate.  Im not trying to argue with anyone.  Maybe you have an idea where this is going, maybe you do not.... but lets say I am pretty certain I have a lot of liberal FB connections/friends that would argue this topic to the bone with me if we began it..... yet here I am.... I can't help but write about it today....

Anyway....  I am a 32 year old married woman, who didnt have her first kid till 28. I had my second at 31.  Those kids were mostly somewhat planned out.  I am pregnant with #3.  Now, I hate admitting this because alone admitting to this makes me feel like a horrible person but.... I did not want 3 kids.  Especially after getting one boy and one girl right after the other.  I was happy with 2.  we were planning on a more permanent BC method before this happened.... Financially I felt we are going to struggle with 3 kids. Emotionally and Physically I felt like I am gonna be overwhelmed with 3.  I was scared and unhappy through most of the 1st trimester.  I didnt even post to FB till week 13 (which I know most people wait till after the 1st trimester anyway, but... I wasn't really ecstatic about it even when I did announce it and everyone was congratulating me.

We had an ultrasound to date the pregnancy though at around week 9.  On the ultrasound the baby looked like a blob.  However the tech pointed out the beating heart.  I could see 4 chambers.  I could see it throbbing.  My worry started to go away around then.  It was still there, but already I started to fall in love.

Yesterday I found out the gender.  I know its a boy now.  In the 45 minute to hour long ultrasound appointment I watched the baby moving his arms and legs.  He sucked his thumb.  He covered his face with his hands.  he "yawned".  He even was grabbing his privates at one point... (*giggles like a middle schooler*) at 18 weeks you could see his eyes (looked like eye sockets obviously on a 2d ultrasound) his spine, his arms, hands, fingers.... my worry has almost completely gone away now and I am completely in love with that separate individual human being growing inside of me.

Anyway, I assume you can imagine what topic I am thinking about now. The whole, pro-choice vs pro-life debate.  My ONLY question to anyone that sides with the former is... how can you see this life growing, and still argue that its the womans body and its her choice? It is a completely separate body from the woman... it just needs the womans body to grow.  How is that different from your baby outside the womb that needs you to change his diaper, feed him, wash him and clothe him?  The baby whether in or out of the womb, cant say I want to live or die... yet our society says as long as its still in the mothers womb, its safe to end its life...  I really don't know... I really am not looking for anyone to "answer" me.  I don't want opinions or debates.  I guess my pregnancy hormones and guilt for initially not wanting this pregnancy are getting my emotions all riled up.  I dont know.