Sometimes I just don't know what to do....

Chloe has to have a follow up at the pediatrician because of her hospital stay, and because Kal got sick after, he is gonna be examined as well... even though he is looking much better today.

I told that to Greg and told him what time the appointment was, and that since it was for the both of them and because of an illness I would like him to come with me.  He would have to leave work about 2 hours (maybe 2 1/2) early based on the appt time we have, but when I told him about it I thought he said he would take us.

I somehow misread that to be he would take us if we had NO other way to get there.... then even made a remark about how its close enough to walk and I walk to other places nearby....

I feel like total shit cuz I was the one that spent 48 straight hours in the hospital with Chloe, all I wanted was him to be present for her follow up at the doctors office instead of Gregs mom or dad or grandparents and I thought he understood that.... but he doesnt seem to want to use 2 hours of leave to be there with me.  AND to add to it all, Gregs mom seemed to make a  remark to the fact that when he is the ONLY worker in the household....  (so another words he cant afford to lose 2 hours of work... (forget the fact that there is a thing called paid leave, or the fact that they let you make up time if you dont wanna use it, and its only 2 hours....)

But maybe I am being unreasonable and since I made the choice to be the stay at home mom I ALONE should make all the sacrifices dealing with the children and he NEVER should be a part of it.  He has not gone to one of Chloes appts since her very first one and heck if I can remember the last time he came with me for one of Kalvins.

Sue me for wanting Greg to be a part of ONE of the many thousands of appts to come for the kids.......................... :/

Looooooooong Time no Blog.....

Ok, So I know its been a WHILE.  Ive been busy/tired/etc....

So...  I decided to blog about my holiday weekend experience... most of you that I know read this have probably already been told what happened, but I decided to write about it anyway.

So Friday night, Chloe was being really fussy about eating all night... she also woke up at 2am really fussy but wouldnt eat.... (she normally sleeps through now).  At 6am she would not eat but 1 oz for Greg.  At 9 she only drank 1.5 oz for me and while I was holding her I noticed she felt alarmingly warm.

Upon checking her temp, it read 101.4, so I called the pediatricians emergency off hours number... being her age  was under 3 months, the doctor told us to go to the ER.

We arrive at the ER at 1030ish and the nurses there tell me that she will need to get a urinalysis, blood drawn, and a spinal tap to rule out any really bad life threatening diseases right off the bat when she is admitted, and that she will need to be monitored in the hospital for 48 hours with antibiotics (to be on the safe side) to when at the 48 hour point if all the tests are negative and she is otherwise healthy they will chalk it up to some bug and send us home....

So my memorial day weekend was spent with her at the pediatric emergency unit..... well, Greg stayed home with Kalvin, and took him to his great uncle Mikes house to swim saturday night, and Greg and Kal came to see us Sunday morning, and then Greg took Kal to uncle Mikes Memorial Day picnic that day.... Well... at 6pm sunday, Greg tells me that Kal slept on their couch for 2-3 hours there (he NEVER naps at other peoples homes normally!)  and when he woke up he cried and cried and asked to go home and go to bed....  when Greg got home he called me and told me Kal had a temp of 100.8 and then when Kal woke up it climbed to 102.0 even with tylenol.  

Back to Chloe... This morning I got the word from the doctor that all tests came back normal and that Chloe was free to go home.  Kal's temp was down but he was still not at his 100% energy level.  Gregs brother John watched Kal while Greg picked up Chloe and I at the hospital....

When I first got home, Kals temp seemed fine but he was obviously at 50-75% energy level compared to his normal bouncy self.  Just an hour ago though... temp back up to 102.0.  :(

What a lovely memorial day weekend we are having right?  I am just very thankful Chloe's fever was nothing serious and we are all home together!  We may be spending Memorial Day in the house, but it certainly beats the 2 days I spent in the hospital over the weekend!

My Adventure into Breastfeeding

Ive ALWAYS said I would breastfeed my children, even before that first positive pregnancy test came to be....

So when Kalvin came 6 weeks early, I immediately told the docs and nurses I wanted to pump for him.  Unlike other moms, I couldnt hold him minutes after his birth and try.  He was wisked away to the NICU after letting me get a quick glimpse of him.  My epi had to wear of, and he had to have many tests done, so it was probably 24 hours before I could see him, and even longer till I could hold him and try to breastfeed.  He spent 2 weeks in the NICU where all I did was pump at home and bring my expressed milk to my once a day visit to him where I attempted to feed him.  I had to agree to bottle feeding because otherwise he could not be sent home.

When we arrived at home, I tried him at the breast at EVERY feed.  For every unsuccessful latch, after 15 min of screaming, I would have to bottle feed him either what Ive pumped or formula if I didnt have enough stored.  Then to keep up my supply I would pump. I felt like feeding and pumping was all I had time for in my day, and at night I did not get a wink of sleep... I cant remember how long I held on, but eventually I just gave up.  It was too much.  Feeding sessions were lasting 45 min to an hour, and he was eating in 2 to 3 hour increments.  In my vision, BF would take 15-20 min and that would be it!

I did not have any good resources to help me keep going and I was just too tired.  So when I was pregnant again, I thought... well as long as this baby makes it to full term, I can do this!!  So my 40.2 weeker......

Im having the same problems ALL OVER AGAIN.  But this time I have a toddler to worry about too.  I do have more support in all my FB friends, and I realize I have resources at GBMC, and have called the warmline 2x already.  However I am still not getting it.  Last night I did not even go to sleep till 2am because I was pumping/bottlefeeding/breastfeeding and then she was hungry all over again before I got the chance to lay down!  then she was up again at 3 and then 4!  At 3 she was not interested in eating but at 4 she was.... I did NOT pump that time... so i had gone all night not pumping cuz I just wanted to sleep.  She didnt wake up again till about quarter till 7....

I dont know how much longer I can go on like this to be honest.  If it was this difficult in the beginning for my other BF mommas, please tell me how you managed?  Especially those with a toddler at home with you?  I truly still believe breast is best, but man those free samples of  formula are calling my name (and my husbands name, for my sake of sleep!)

......and baby make 4

I have been wanting to write in this blog since coming home from the hospital on Thursday but there NEVER seems to be a good time to do so!!!!   I am either busy or tired.  Feeding or pumping.  Eating or caring for my certain ailments caused by the pregnancy.  Changing a diaper or putting a tired baby back to sleep.  Going BACK to the hospital 2x for lab tests for Chloe and her Biliruben .  Dealing with Kal and his regressing issues (altho I have help with his dad on that one).  At least I am not cooking.  My mom or Greg have been doing that.  And since my mom is such a neat freak, she has done all the cleaning.

We had a full house of visitors today.  Great Pop and Nana Jordan, Poppop and Mommom, Great Uncle Sam and 3rd cousin Jayden (Kals age).  They had a blast playing together.  I should talk to his mom and have her come over here more often so they can play together.

Anyway,  adjusting to this new family of 4 thing is not going to be very easy.  Not that I expected it to be or anything but OMG this week has been crazy.

First of all, I've been having trouble with the breastfeeding endeavor.  Chloe was rooting but not opening her mouth wide enough, and KILLING my nipples in the process.  We would fight each other with the latch for 15-20 min OR MORE, all the while her getting angrier and angrier and just flailing her legs about and FREAKING out.  Nothing I tried seemed to work.  She wasnt eating well AT ALL the last few days and her poops have dwindled.  I was frustrated because with all the crazy things we had to do, like get those blood tests for example, we would get so behind on feedings.

I used past tense on the last paragraph because tonight we had a breakthrough!  Called GBMC warmline dispite my usual anxiety to call strange people on the phone especially to admit I need help with something..... She gave me some tips, I followed them, and BOOM!  Chloe fed from each breast for a good 15 min or more with a COMFORTABLE latch!!!!  I was only gonna do one side, but she woke up 15 min after setting her down and was rooting again.

Basically what the specialist told me to do, was use my finger as a way to help open her mouth wider, and use either expressed milk or formula in a special syringe they gave me at the hospital to drip into her mouth to simulate that the milk is coming and therefore giving her some instant gratification and encouraging to continue to suck.   Well, its only the FIRST time, but it worked for EACH breast this time around!! OH BTW... nipples are tingling and have some wetness on my night shirt.  Those are both good milk coming in signs right? :)

Now to Kalvin.  Just as I thought, he is regressing BIG time.  He keeps stealing Chloes binky saying MINE. (he never liked the binky before)  He sits in her baby swing (that used to be his.. oops.. lol)  Yesterday I was in my sitz bath on the toilet... Kal comes in the bathroom and said "I Poop".  I thought he meant he NEEDED to poop so I said hold on and let me finish up here and you can go and he said "NO" and then I smelt it.  He had ALREADY GONE!  UGH!  So Greg changed him and I could hear Kal in his room making crying noises like the baby.  GREAT.  Well Greg did his thing to teach him he cant do that... told him it was time for bed (it was anyway) talked to him a bit more and told him good night.

Now i was REALLY mad at this point....still sitting on the sitz bath I could hear Kal asking for "mommy hug kiss" though, so I was like ok, well I will go in in a few and give him a talk.  So I went in, told him how he was a big boy and he is supposed to poop in the POTTY.  That mommy is so proud of him that he knows how to do that and that Chloe is a baby and DOEST know how to  go on a potty and mommy is just happy she is pooping cuz she knows Chloe is eating enough.  I told him that mommy would rather Kalvin tell mommy he had to use the potty and she would be happy to give him some one on one attention to take him and help him go, but if he does it in his pants, mommy would not be happy.  And he repeated alot of what I said ( like I big boy!) and then asked for his hug and kiss.  I was sitting on my knees and he was standing/  He laid his head on my shoulder and gave me a long hug.  And then my tears started to flow.  LIKE the realization that he ws no longer my baby anymore just hit me like a ton of bricks.  He can put his head on my shoulder while STANDING if I am kneeling to the ground.  Visions of me rocking Kal to sleep when he was Chloe's size came flowing back.   Now he can comprehend what I am telling him and repeat my words back to me.  He is about my kneeling height already....  Where did the time go??  UGH to the females hormones!!!!

I know this is getting long, but one more thing.  Ive noticed lots of my friends blogs, they tend to come up with funny names for their children.  Well.... one that I have been calling Chloe lately stems from how she cries when she is REALLY frustrated.  She literally squeals then snorts.  Yea.... so I have been calling her Lil Miss Piggy.  Kal, well everyone in our family already calls him Superman... some of you already know the reason for that.  So, to follow everyones footsteps, I may start referring to Kalvin as Superman, and Chloe as Miss Piggy... lol :)

My birthing story

So I am still at the hospital, but the hospital has WiFi, and Greg and Chloe are sleeping.... FB is not working from the hospital....

I feel I need to tell this story because it was an experience I will never forget.  If you are squeamish and don't want the horrific details, you might want to stop reading now.... lol, cuz this story will get a lil gross....

So, most of you may have seen from facebook that I first called the OB/GYN at 3pm about back pain,  She wanted me to come in, so we did.  We were seen around 6pm originally, but nothing was progressed enough to stay.  They told us we could come back in 2 hours.  We did.  Still not good enough.  So home we went.   Of course, I come home and things get stronger and closer together JUST LIKE THAT.  By 11pm I couldnt take it anymore.  Went back to labor and delivery.  Somehow my water broke at that point so I was staying regardless of contraction time and dilation....

WELL it was close to 2amby the time we got there and were officially admitted into the labor/delivery room.  12 hours later I was ALMOST 10cm.  Felt like it took me forever to get to 10cm and get to the "pushing" stage.    Little did I know that was gonna be worse than the rest!!  It was about 2pm on Tuesday when I started..... If you saw her birth time.... you know there was a looooooooot of time in the "pushing" stage already.....

So here goes.  It wasnt bad at first.  First of all my mother and father made it down here before that stage and therefore my mother was able to be around for everything... it was Gregs mom, mine and Greg all coaching me thru it.  So begins.... an hour goes by... some small progress but she not close to being out yet.  Change of nursing shift at 3..... (here comes the kinda gross parts)  I started to swell up.... yes, in the front AND back.... Then what started happening during a contraction/push session,  Chloe's heartrate would drastically drop and go into distress. So we had to take lots of pushing breaks to rest and relax her, and hopefully bring her heart rate back up.  It always did go back, but it extended labor even longer.  I REALLY began to swell up after that.... I mean just awfully.  That just made it even harder to get her out.... There was a point where while taking a break because Chloe's heart rate went down again, that the nurse discussed a possible c-section to me.   She was really nice about it, and told me its a last resort at this point and by no means a definite, but they were pretty sure that Chloe's distress was caused by the cord being wrapped around her neck, and that either I can get her head to show through just enough to get a vacuum or forceps thru it, OR a c-section was inevitable.  I was in tears, for I did not want a c-section.  I wanted a natural delivery, 2 day hospital stay... ya know?   I know that lots of people have no choice, and get it done and it works out for them, but I totally did not want it for me!

Well apparently thats ALL it took for me to get JUST enough motivation to push that lil mama out far enough... cuz an hour later, the head was out JUST enough for my OB to put a vacuum on lil Chloe's head and help pull her out.  Of course that didnt mean my job was over my ANY means.  Once the vacuum was in, and I had another contraction, I had NO choice but to push, push push push... and push some more, while my doc pulled with the vacuum thing..... If you have given birth vaginally before, you know its 3 10 sec pushes  thru each contraction, then some time to rest.   Well, once the vacuum went in, I seriously had to just keep pushing there was no break for another contraction.  I think I had to do it like 6 or more in a row like that.... not an easy task, especially when you are already so swollen and everything!!  Well before I knew it, the baby was out, Chloe was born!  And she was perfectly fine and healthy... and definitely DID have the cord around her neck....

I started pushing shortly after 2pm.   Chloes birth time was 5:44pm.  You do the math.  yea, about 4 hrs of pushing.  NOT FUN.

But its done, she is born, and she is just absolutely beautiful!!!  :)

So I will probably also put these on FB, but I figure those that follow my blog without my posting it to FB can get a sneak peak, since bloggers site is working at the hospital while FB is not!

This is going to be my new FB profule with me cut out of it of course... lol

Blogging through contractions.....

So.... went to the labor and delivery too early today, however NOW that I am home, "trying to get rest"  There is just NO way!!  HOW?  I feel like I am still probably TOO far apart to call the doc, but TOO close to get rest?!?!?!

AND THE HUSBAND IS SNORING HIS DAMN A$$ OFF!! UGH!  I am in the living room (our bedroom is first floor and right off the living room) and I CAN HEAR IT.  Its driving me batty as I sit here.

Well I am glad SOMEONE might get some rest tonight.....

I am so super confused about these contractions.  I never experienced things this way with Kalvin so this is all foreign to me!  By no means do I feel like I can get any sort of accurate timing on these things right now!  BUT what I DO KNOW, is that they are increasing with intensity FOR SURE and did not go away after walking around the mall in between checks at the hospital.  With Kal it would not have mattered how dilated I was, how close the contractions were.... his water broke, and he was coming soon regardless.... I totally did not expect that to happen because I was only 34 weeks along.  This time, past 40, and of course since I WANT to be admitted, I am not far enough along and NO water breakage.... UGH!  lol.

What annoys me is going on babycenter/what to expect/etc to find advice.  Whats annoying to me is that they say early labor is best done in the comfort of your home so that you can relax.  Well, if I am in early labor then I must have a low pain tolerence because I CANNOT relax no matter WHERE I AM.  I am barely typing without cringing every so often even......

Well... I would really LOVE to try to rest.  But can I?  Especially now adding the snoring husband to the mix???  UGH!

I am super happy it SEEMS that I will be finally having this baby maybe rather soon?  Like in the next 24 hours or less??? But I just wish I were far enough along when we were AT the hospital instead of feeling like this right now....... and being unsure if I should wait even longer.....

40 weeks....

So today is the day.  I am officially 40 weeks.  I know technically they can let it go till 42, but I cannot help but HOPE and WISH it would just happen already!!!

I dont mean to sound rude to anyone with the "let it happen" advice, or the "enjoy this part while you can" advice..... but seriously, especially coming from someone that has no personal experience with this it can get really annoying.

Ive mentioned it before.  I am physically uncomfortable.  I am not sleeping well anyway.  My sons sleep habits have gone off their rocker right now too.  He suddenly is having constant bed wetting accidents that were few and far between when I first removed the pullups at night, and even when he is NOT wetting the bed he is waking up every hour or so crying.  Not sure if he senses changes are coming or what....

Last night I woke up in a sweaty mess several times.... not sure why.  Also I am one of those unfortunates that experienced hemorriods, and still have the issue now.  Just going to the bathroom hurts.  I am waddling like a penguin. I like penguins but I dont want to walk like one.  Going back to sleep is almost an impossibility once I get woken up by either Kal, my bladder or some other odd thing....

By the way he is walking much faster then I am lately... lol

I am tired of the "when you due, looks like you are about to pop" comments.  Got it about 5 times at the mall yesterday.

I know when the baby comes she will likely wake me up needing fed or changed.  Ive had a newborn before. Kal may get woken up too and I may have double trouble.  I expect that.  Kals behavior may change.  I expect that too.  I have plans on how I can include him in on the baby though, and I hope that he can learn quickly.   In no way do I expect things to be a breeze once the baby arrives, but I would like my physical aspects to feel relief finally!!!!

Basically I know people have good intentions with their advice, but maybe they should think it through before saying it........